Conversations with Vader
by Twichie
Summary: What happens when a writer has a plan, but her characters think she should do something else? Just a fun little fic that will hopefully give you a smile. One shot.


*Authors note. This was just a fun little mess around sort of fic that I found floating in one of my old writing folders. Thought I'd share it.__

Then, without an ounce of preamble, Obi Wan drew his lightsaber and swung it, chopping off the Neimodian's arm. He spun, in the same breath, to meet the battle droid head on when…

And that's when the computer freezes. The screen goes dark. I try to shut off the power and reboot it, but everything seems to be stuck in a suspended state of animation. There's just…nothing. Hey wait a minute. What's that at the bottom right hand corner of the screen? Instead of my normal Systray icons, there's a blue flickering shadow. It looks like it might be a person.

"What the..?"

"I have taken control of your computer." The speakers vibrate with the low rumbling depth of the voice. "It is now under the power of The Dark Side of The Force."

"No it's not."

"Yes. It is." The voice is angry now and the flickering blue reflection comes in a little clearer. He looks familiar.

"Aren't you…Darth Vader?"

"Yes."

"What are you…" I look around, a little nervous now. "doing here?" For a moment I wonder if someone slipped something into my . I pick it up and sniff, but nothing seems out of place.

"Do not underestimate the Dark Side of the Force." His voice rumbles across my desk now.

"Well I didn't think I did…"

"You will write a story about me. Not Obi Wan."

"I like Obi Wan."

"The story should be about me. I'm the star."

"Who said so?"

"George Lucas. That's who."

"Now you sound like that whiny kid."

"What?" The desk rumbles under the power of the voice.

"The one that became you. What was his name again?" Blue light shoots from the bottom right corner of the computer and then a pencil in my cup next to the computer bursts into smoking flames. "You shall not mention him to me again! I am Darth Vader."

"Yeah yeah. I know. And see, that's why I don't write about you. You're like…well, you're a bully."

"What?!" The word is a roar.

I reach over, grab my burning pencil, and drop it into the can of Coke I've got sitting next to the screen.

"You're a bully. You just walk around and kill people. You even tortured your daughter!"

"A lot of young women complain that their fathers have done far worse."

"Than sending a torture droid in to…?!"

"Okay okay." He interrupts me. "That may have been a little excessive." I notice that the timber of his voice is beginning to change and I study the flickering ghost a little closer. Something's changed.

"You're not him anymore." I say.

"What?" The voice is now that of a young man.

"You're not Vader anymore. You're Anakin again."

"Yeah well I did get redeemed at the end of the story." He looks up at me from under the hood of his robe. "You do remember that don't you?" His voice is sarcastic now.

"Of course I do. It's what the whole series was building up to."

"So why are you writing about Obi Wan? I'm the star."

"Always about you isn't it?"

"Hey. Look at this." My screen fills with a large picture of Anakin's bare chest. "Betcha Obi Wan doesn't have that."

"Obi Wan has a class and style that you'll never…"

Blue lightning bolts out of the corner of the screen again. This time my newspaper goes up.

"Hey! Quit that! I'm not going to write about you! Got that?"

"You underestimate the power of The Dark Side."

"Oh?" Completely not interested as I put out the burning newspaper.

"People will read your work."

"Yeah? People read my work now."

"People will comment on your work. Give you feedback."

"I don't believe you. Clouding the truth the Dark Side is."

"Give it up. You can't pull off Yoda." He says with a shake of his head. I notice him rolling his eyes at me.

"I write this side of the Force. Got that?"

"Obi Wan slept with my wife."

"What?!"

"He slept with my wife! That's pretty dark don't you think?"

"He did not!"

"Yes. He did. I have proof."

"What? What proof?" My voice betrays an interest as I lean forward. This might develop into an interesting story after all.

My computer emits a loud whistle and suddenly the screen that was filled with Anakin's bare naked chest is now dark.

"Hey! What did you do?"

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

"Gimme my computer back!"

"Your computer is under the control of The Dark Side."

"You said that before." Another lightning bolt strikes out from the screen and this time, it lands sizzling on my sleeve. "Would you quit that?" I pat quickly at the smoking fabric and look at him. "What exactly do you want me to write?"

"I want you to be my Apprentice. I will share with you all that I know."

"I'm not doing The Dark Side Vader. Ain't gonna happen."

"Join me and we can rule the messageboards together."

"No. I'm not going to do that."

"You can write Obi Wan with his shirt off." His voice is disgruntled. Angry.

"Huh?" That captured my attention.

"Obi Wan with his shirt off." He's fully disgusted now and his voice, rather than angry, sounds tired and bored. "The Dark Side affords many powers to those who would delve deep and.." He stops and looks at me. "Yadda yadda yadda."

I pause and close my eyes. With a sigh I say, "What do you want me to write?"

"You're kidding? That did it? Obi with his shirt off?" Again my computer fills with a picture of Anakin's naked bare chest. "You would deny this?"

"Gimme a break. I'm writing one fic. One fic." My voice is hard. "That's it. Then you leave me alone."

"Okay." He looked up at me and for a moment I saw a nice sweet-faced young man.

"Now see? That's better."

"I knew you'd come around."

"No. It's just this one fic." I'm insistent as I settle back in at the keyboard. "I'm not going to The Dark Side."

"Of course! Just this one fic. That's all. I won't ask anymore after this."

Sigh. "So what do you want me to write?"

_Padme stood in the middle of the darkness, her entire body trembling._

"Oh and hey." His voice interrupted my typing.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry about your pencil."

"Yeah yeah. Whatever. What comes next?"

_"Anakin?" her voice trembled in the inky blackness…_


End file.
